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 DATELINE: OAKLAND, MICHIGAN
In a press conference, Steve McCarty and the Michigan Chapter of the Lupus Alliance of America have announced plans for the 12th Annual Dan McCarty Golf Classic. Twin Lakes Golf & Swim Club will be the host of the June 9th event. All proceeds will once again go to the Lupus Alliance. Please mark that date on your calendar, and go to the DMGC webpage for complete information and on-line registration.
. DATELINE: ROCHESTER, MICHIGAN
She's Still Got It!
Mom McCarty celebrated her 80th birthday with a dinner at the Rochester Chop House in downtown Rochester, Michigan. Joining her were Steve O, Kristen O, Margaret, and... ladies and gentlemen... Earl Hickey. After a huge meal and a few high balls (just joking), Mom was coaxed into playing a song for the crowd of diners on her way out. She obliged with a rousing rendition of "Bad Bad Leroy Brown". While mom sang the verses, she had plenty of help as all the diners joined along in the chorus. Mom finished it with a sweep of the keys and a wave to the crowd as she walked out to a standing ovation. In the words of Mr. DiSilva... "How'd you like that, boys!"
DATELINE: VALENCIA, CALIFORNIA
Mike and Karen McCarty report from their road. Here are some pictures from their trip to L.A. and Valencia. Great time! Jay Leno, The Tonight Show, the Collectors Show, singing to the songs of Bob Cowsill at the Pickwick Bar in L.A., dinner with Jerry and Kathlene on their patio and at Morton's and lots more. (Didn't see Metro reporter Gwenda, I think she had the night off.)
METRO AMATEUR PHOTO OP
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Queer Eye's Carson Kressley was the original
| Kristen snaps Jerome and his clone on her camera phone | choice to play the Queen in the Oscar nominated movie |
CELEBRITY SIGHTINGS 
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| Metro readers Margaret & Heidi pose with Detroit radio personalities Jim Harper and Mike Bradley from 105 FM | Karen poses with "little girl" Bonnie Blue Butler
from "Gone with the Wind | | . | . |  |  | Jerry talks over old times with former co-star
Kristi McNichol from Little Darlings. | Mike with comedian Bill Dana
(where is Hose' Jimenez?) |
DATELINE: ROYAL OAK MICHIGAN
While watching Ch4 News this morning, caught this story where Wm Beaumont Hospital is in a contest with hospitals throughout the U.S. to receive a Fun Center from the Starlight Starbright Foundation for seriously ill children. All you need to do is click on the link below and choose Beaumont. Then send on to all your friends and families to help Beaumont win. I believe they are awarding 3 all together. We will know by April if Be aumont wins!!! http://www.colgate.com/app/Colgate/US/Corp/CommunityPrograms/Starlight/HomePage/Midwest.cvsp
METRO CLASSIFIED ADS | FREE to an approved home. Excellent guard dog, loves other small-dog breeds. Answers to the name of Dolly. Will eat anything, owner cannot afford to feed her anymore, as there are no more kids, thieves, murderers, rapists, illegals, or molesters left in the neighborhood. Your help will be appreciated... 
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Check Out This Hilarious Video And Audio Clips | | DUI VIDEO Cop didn't even have to
perform the field sobriety test CLICK FOR VIDEO | RUNNING UP HILLS Not like the old days when we
were happy just running down hills CLICK FOR VIDEO | COMPUTER REPAIR This guy uses the Kelly McCarty
method of repairing a PC CLICK FOR VIDEO |
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| THE McCARTY METRO
PROTECTING OUR READERS | . |
USE A GLASS
.| A woman went boating one Sunday taking with her some cans of coke which she put into the refrigerator of the boat. On Monday she was taken to the hospital and placed in the Intensive Care Unit. She died on Wednesday. The autopsy concluded she died of Leptospirosis. This was traced to the can of coke she drank from, not using a glass. Tests showed that the can was infected by dried rat urine and hence the disease Leptospirosis. Rat urine contains toxic and deathly substances. It is highly recommended to thoroughly wash the upper part of soda cans before drinking out of them. The cans are typically stocked in warehouses and transported straight to the shops without being cleaned. A study at NYCU showed that the tops of soda cans are more contaminated than public toilets (i.e).. full of germs and bacteria. So wash them with water before putting them to the mouth to avoid any kind of fatal accident. | 
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McCARTY METRO
 | DATELINE:
SUPER BOWL XLI Having Prince as the half time entertainment was great, however, I was a little bit scared that the censors would be in action again when Justin Timberlake came out. | 
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NEWS... HOT OFF THE PRESS DATELINE: NO GULL LAKE IN 2007
After 23 years in Augusta, Michigan at the Gull Lake Golf Club, Mike Wiacek was able to get a really nice package together for Garland from May 15 to May 18. The new location of Garland offers a chance to look at some new courses and amenities, while actually being cheaper than Gull Lake. If you think you might be interested, check out the Garland website http://www.garlandusa.com, then contact the Metro if there are still openings. We will be going with 16 or 20 people. Here is a brief rundown...
. Golf Cottages
Half log cottage features two individual bedrooms with two double beds in the downstairs bedroom and two queen beds in the upstairs bedroom. Each bedroom has its own separate bathroom with tub and shower. The cottage has a kitchen, which is fully equipped with a refrigerator, microwave and dishwasher, cooking and eating utensils and coffee maker. There is also a combination living/dining room; gas log fireplace and an outdoor gas grill on the deck. Services include: valet parking, shuttle service to your room, fitness center with indoor lap pool, outdoor/indoor Jacuzzi, air strip shuttle service unlimited driving range and range balls and golf bag storage. Per Person Package Rate $ 272.20. Package Includes: · Two Nights lodging · Five Rounds of golf with cart · Unlimited range balls · Free bag storage · All applicable taxes and amenity service fee
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NEWS FROM AROUND THE NATION In an odd move, after the recent breakdown of Brittney Spears shaving her head, some in the political ring didn't realize it was a cry for help, rather than a new fashion statement and decided to don the Telly Savalas look. Oh well, Hillary, Queenie, and Condi... it WILL grow back.
. DATELINE: ALASKA
The downloaded pictures are of a man who works for the US Forest Service in Alaska and the bear he had to kill. (killed in self defense). He was out deer hunting last week when a large grizzly bear charged him from about 50 yards away. The guy emptied his 7mm Magnum semi-automatic rifle into the bear and it dropped a few feet from him. The big bear was still alive so he reloaded and shot it several times in the head. The bear was just over one thousand six hundred pounds. It stood 12' 6" high at the shoulder, 14' to the top of his head. It's the largest grizzly bear ever recorded in the world. Of course, the Alaska Fish and Wildlife Commission did not let him keep it as a trophy, but the bear will be stuffed and mounted, and placed on display at the Anchorage airport to remind tourists of the risks involved when in the wild. Based on the contents of the bears stomach, the Fish and Wildlife Commission established the bear had killed at least two humans in the past 72 hours including a missing hiker. The US Forest Service, backtracking from where the bear had originated, found the hiker's 38-caliber pistol emptied. Not far from the pistol were the remains of the hiker. The other body has not been found. Although the hiker fired six shots and managed to hit the grizzly with four shots (the Service ultimately found four 38 caliber slugs along with twelve 7mm slugs inside the bear's dead body), it only wounded the bear and probably angered it immensely. The bear killed the hiker an estimated two days prior to the bear's own death by the gun of the Forest Service worker.
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DATELINE: A NEAR FATAL CRASH
In a stroke of luck, the white pickup truck, after losing control and breaking through the metal barrier, actually became airborne and flipped over the cement drain illustrated below, dodging certain death, and came to rest upright. The real luck though can be seen from the view farther away. The driver of the pickup came out with nary a scratch.
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AN EDITORIAL REBUTTAL
by A. Bunker (Metro Exclusive)
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| President Bush there, wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down.
Bring some of our troops home from Iraq to guard the border. When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq. Tell him if he wants to come to America then he must serve a tour in the military. Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it! After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country. He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal patriot. This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo. Case Closed! |
NEWS FROM AROUND THE WORLD DATELINE: TEGUCIGALPA, HONDURAS
To combat the spread of HIV, prison officials at the Central Penitentiary decided to encourage male inmates to marry each other, thus vowing to be faithful to just one sexual partner. The same-sex marriages are valid only in the prison. Eight couples have already tied the knot.
. | DATELINE: BAGHDAD, IRAQ | DATELINE: NAIROBI, KENYA |  |  | I'm sorry, but am I the only person
who can tell this is a truck bomb? | Well, it has been confirmed,
McDonald's has reached Africa! |
GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN IN FEBRUARY .
AND FINALLY...DATELINE: HUNTSVILLE, ALABAMA
Huntsville wife, Mary Cooper walked into the kitchen to find her husband Marvin stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh!, Killed any?" Mary asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females", he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?" Marvin responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone". Funeral arrangement for Marvin Cooper are pending. Have A Good Day
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