Well, it’s the 4th of July and that means those little McCarty Grandbrats will be taking out-of-state trips to buy illegal fireworks. Just thinking about those pesky pyromaniacs burns me up more that picking up the wrong end of a thrown sparkler.
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You can bet those bootlegging bozos will be going to Indiana, Ohio, and Canada looking for those illegal fireworks. When we were kids, we didn’t need to get illegal fireworks, we made do with what we had. All we needed was a hammer and a roll of caps and we could make a huge explosion. And we could buy a box of snakes and have hours of fun lighting them with Mosquito Chasers. Sure snakes were just some petroleum product which would make a stinky smell and turn into ashes that would look like a turd, but we didn’t care we loved it!! Because we were happy with what we had.

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Those firework fools will spend hundreds of dollars on these sophisticated news transmitters, whistle whirl comets, and large happy planets. I give all of those expensive fireworks a large happy yawn. When we were kids, my brother Larry would make a homemade display by using a stapler and tape to put bottle rockets, firecrackers, and smoke bombs on a piece of plywood. Sure the plywood would usually start on fire and bottle rockets would start bouncing off cars, houses, and kids, but we didn’t care we loved it!! And nobody yawned. 
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And those freeloading fire bugs don’t even get good firecrackers. They get some cheap firecrackers that are made in Vietnam and sound as loud as snapping your fingers. When we were kids, we had M-80’s, Cherry Bombs, and Black Cat Firecrackers. There would be kids blowing fingers, hands, and other limbs off all over the neighborhood. Those Black Cats were 10 times more powerful than stuff nowadays. Sure only about 1 out 3 would actually work, but we didn’t care, we loved it, because we could break the duds in half and make fizzers.

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So you let your little bootlegging baffoons get in their cars and drive to get out of state fireworks. I’m staying home and going to Happy Jack’s Party Store and getting me a roll of caps, a hammer, and I might even have some fizzers left over from last year. Happy 4th of July!!

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