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 DATELINE: OAKLAND, MICHIGAN
In a press conference, Steve McCarty and the Michigan Chapter of the Lupus Alliance of America have announced plans for the 12th Annual Dan McCarty Golf Classic. Twin Lakes Golf & Swim Club will be the host of the June 9th event. All proceeds will once again go to the Lupus Alliance. Please mark that date on your calendar, and go to the DMGC webpage for complete information and on-line registration.
- DATELINE: EUCHRE TOURNAMENT FOR LUPUS
The Lupus Alliance of Michigan will be sponsoring a Euchre tournament on Friday, February 23, 2007. Doors will open at 6:30pm at the Boulder Lakes Golf Course on 52100 Fairchild Road in Chesterfield, MI 48051. (Map) Pre-registration is $25.00 per person. Please call 800-705-6677 to register, or register on-line. The Lupus Alliance asks you that if you are interested, to please pre-register for this event. This will be an individual score tournament, and each player will keep track of their own points. At the conclusion the person with the most points will win!
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| For more information, or to register on-line go to http://www.milupus.org/dynamic/Euchre%20Tournament.htm
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- DATELINE: FRASER, MICHIGAN
In a ceremony held on January, 11th, Austin McCarty was inducted into the National Honor Society at Fraser High School. His 3.9 GPA and outstanding community service record made this McCarty a well-deserving candidate. Austin (center in the rust colored shirt) follows his father Kelly into this nationally recognized organization. He has also been accepted to, and is considering going to either the University of Michigan, Michigan State University, or Central Michigan University. The Metro wishes to congratulate Austin for his outstanding achievements at Fraser High School.
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- DATELINE, LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA
For the 12th year in a row, Jerry McCarty served the homeless a hot meal at the Los Angeles Mission. And for the 11th year in a row, they misspelled his name. Here are list of the misspellings
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| 2006 - Jeremy McCarty
2005 - Jerry McCarthy
2004 - Jerry McCartney
2003 - Jenny McCarthy
2002 - Jerry McGwire
2001 - Jerky McMurtry
2000 - Jared from Subway
1999 - Jeff Goldblum
1998 - Jerry McLeary
1997 - Jimmy McNichol
1996 - Jerry Carty
1995 - John Waters |
DATELINE: LAS VEGAS, NEVADA
The McCarty Metro, to honor the long standing "What Happens In Vegas, Stays In Vegas" code, has nothing to report on the Vegas excursion of Steve O, Jerome K, Jim S, Matt S, and of course... your editor. Needless to say, a GREAT time was had by the five-some. Also, there was a quick jaunt over to LA to take care of some binness.
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DATELINE: LA EXPLODES #1
Rumor has been received by this metro correspondent that Brad Savage was seen following up Utica Explodes 1 and Utica Explodes 2 with an attempted comeback at LA Explodes. Apparently the party began at Morton's with a bottomless scotch. Paparazzi then noticed Brad Savage attacking Dick Gephardt with a stream of Glen Levit vomit launched from the men's room door. Senator Gephardt was asked for a comment, however he just offered some sort of gag reflex. Returning to his bar stool with what can best be described as the same substance Jim Seeling had on his shirt after a similar incident at a Detroit night club where Larry Wendt rubbed it, smelled it, then confirmed it was vomit. It was vomit. Eric Schwance leapt into action and loaded BS into a clean vehicle. Unfortunately, neither was wearing a cowboy boot, so Paparazzi concluded that Mr. Schwance provided an empty Gatorade bottle for the inevitable explosion. Somewhere on the 405 Brad Salvage had to spew. A man this size can't throw up in a garbage can getting some jiz on the side, so as expected, he tossed all over car. It looked something like Pulp Fiction when Travolta blew that perfectly good neighbors head all over the back window. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Secrest Out.
METRO AMATEUR PHOTO OPS
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Kelly holds the first Texas Holdem
party out on his new outdoor patio
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Although picture is dark, a group billed as the J. Franklin Band has from l-r Brad Savage, J. DeVito & Eric Swan.
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CELEBRITY SIGHTINGS Jerry McCarty with legendary
actress Debbie Reynolds | A picture from the 2007 Detroit Auto Show of the 2006 drag racing champion John Force. Go figure, he looks a lot like Brad McCarty. | 
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DATELINE: VALENCIA, CALIFORNIA
To celebrate the season, Jer's neighbors chipped in and had snow delivered to the Cul de Sac. A makeshift snow hill was built so that the kids could ride sleds down the hill. After 15 minutes everyone complained the snow was cold, someone got hit in the eye with a snowball, some kid drove his sled into a parked car, and an old lady yelled at kids for messing up the snow. Then all the kids went into the house and played video games. Yep! Just like I remembered snow.
Check Out This Hilarious Video And Audio Clips | | Robbing A Liquor Store A drunk guy tries to rob a liquor store
(Like he needs more liquor!) Click Here For Video | Golf Instruction Finally!!! First golf video that is easy to follow and actually works! Click Here For Video | Big Foot Sighting Beef jerky company sponsors the first good video of the creature... Click Here For Video |
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| THE McCARTY METRO
PROTECTING OUR READERS | . |
10 TIPS ON HOW TO STAY YOUNG - Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.
- Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (keep this In mind if you are one of those grouches;)
- Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!
- Enjoy the simple things.
- Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and Lots of time with HIM/HER.
- The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourself. LIVE while you are alive.
- Surround yourself with what you love: Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
- Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
- Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
- Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
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McCARTY METRO
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NEWS... HOT OFF THE PRESS DATELINE: NO GULL LAKE IN 2007
After 23 years in Augusta, Michigan at the Gull Lake Golf Club, Mike Wiacek was able to get a really nice package together for Garland from May 15 to May 18. The new location of Garland offers a chance to look at some new courses and amenities, while actually being cheaper than Gull Lake. If you think you might be interested, check out the Garland website http://www.garlandusa.com, then contact the Metro if there are still openings. We will be going with 16 or 20 people. Here is a brief rundown...
. Golf Cottages
Half log cottage features two individual bedrooms with two double beds in the downstairs bedroom and two queen beds in the upstairs bedroom. Each bedroom has its own separate bathroom with tub and shower. The cottage has a kitchen, which is fully equipped with a refrigerator, microwave and dishwasher, cooking and eating utensils and coffee maker. There is also a combination living/dining room; gas log fireplace and an outdoor gas grill on the deck. Services include: valet parking, shuttle service to your room, fitness center with indoor lap pool, outdoor/indoor Jacuzzi, air strip shuttle service unlimited driving range and range balls and golf bag storage. Per Person Package Rate $ 272.20. Package Includes: · Two Nights lodging · Five Rounds of golf with cart · Unlimited range balls · Free bag storage · All applicable taxes and amenity service fee
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NEWS FROM AROUND THE NATION (The dumb get dumber & the smart get smarter)
. DATELINE: WASHINGTON DC
An archeological team, digging in Washington DC, has uncovered 10,000 year old bones and fossil remains of what is believed to be the first Politician. (right)
. DATELINE: NAPLES, FLORIDA
Emma Thomas, an elderly Floridian woman, called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She was hysterical as she explained her situation to the dispatcher. "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm, ma'am. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer that responded, radioed in. "Disregard," he said. "She got in the backseat by mistake."
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NEWS FROM AROUND THE WORLD
. - KITTEN FOR SALE
There is a kitten for sale in Baghdad, Iraq. His former owner, Saddam Hussein, has to sell fast. Good for taping bombs to. Here is the most recent picture of Geehaad.
 | - CRIME SCENE PHOTO
In what was described by a former cop as "the most gruesome discovery in recent history", Detroit Police officials released this crime scene photo to the Metro.
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GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN IN DECEMBER & JANUARY  , , , , , |  , , . . | | Actor Peter Boyle, former Detroit Tiger pitcher, Larry Sherry, cartoonist Joseph Barbera, the godfather of soul James Brown, former US President Gerald R. Ford, Yvonne De Carlo from "The Munsters", American humorist and columnist Art Buchwald, professional wrestler Scott (Bam Bam) Bigelow, actor Ron Carey from the TV show Barney Miller, former Detroit Tiger pitcher Verne Ruhle, former NHL goalie Gump Worsley |
AND FINALLY... - GRANDMA'S BIRTH CONTROL
The doctor that had been seeing an 80 year old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medications her previous doctor had prescribed. As the young doctor was looking through the meds, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith. Do you realize these are birth control pills?" asked the doctor. "Yes! They help me sleep at night", replied the woman. "Mrs. Smith... I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that could possible help you sleep", said the doctor. She reached out and patted the young doctor's knee. "Yes, Dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks... and believe me... it helps me sleep at night!"
YOU GOTTA LOVE GRANDMAS!
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Have A Good Day
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