..
.Well it’s Mom McCarty’s 80th Birthday and that means those little Grandbrats will be sending all kinds of sappy cards and calling up to leave messages on her answering machine. Just thinking of those Greeting Card Cretins makes me hotter than the 80 candles on Mom McCarty’s Birthday Cake. We knew how to celebrate birthdays a lot better when I was a kid.
. |
| You can bet those good-for-nothing gift givers will be buying my Mom a flowering plant or something from the Alfred Dunner Collection at JC Penney. When my Dad bought my Mom a birthday present, he got her something that would last. He’d buy her a 2 gallon jug of Bubble Bath from K-Mart that would last the whole year. I don’t think my Mom even took Bubble Baths, but she would use it to wash dishes, clean the toilet, and put it down the kitchen drain after putting onions down the disposal. But my Mom didn’t care, she loved it, because she was happy with what she had. | 
|
.
Those brown-nosin’ brothers of mine will all be fighting over who will take Mom to dinner for her birthday. “Oooooh, I want to take mom to The Pub so she can have her favorite Chinese Chicken Salad.” “No no, I want to take Mom to Rams Horn for a Western Omelet.” “Oh, no, I’ll take her over to Windsor to the casino.” Fiddle Fooey!! When my Dad wanted to treat my Mom to a meal for her birthday, he’d wait until we all were asleep and call Zukins’ Rib Shack on West Chicago for a big sack of barbeque ribs and a pupu platter! We’d be sleeping with bellies full of hamburger and noodles, and they were munching on bones!
. |
| And those suck up sister-in-laws will be fighting over who can bake my Mom a birthday cake. Will it be Pecan, Chocolate, or Pistachio? Nobody knows and nobody cares. My Dad wouldn’t waste his time baking a cake. He’d head right over to the A&P and go to the back of the store where the dented cans and the day old bread was. Then he’d get a big ole Saunders Chocolate Cake with a sticker on it that said “Stale Price – Buy it Today or we’re Throwing it Away”. Sure it was hard as a rock and you had to eat around the moldy spots, but we didn’t care, we loved it!! |
.
Well unfortunately, I won’t be able to make it home for Mom McCarty’s birthday so I’ll be sitting in Los Angeles and celebrating with a pile of ribs and a huge stale cake. While all of you guys are fighting over Mom, I’ll be covered in barbeque sauce and frosting from head to toe. But I won’t care, I have a 10 gallon jug of bubble bath from Costco waiting by the tub. |
|
|
