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Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day?
A: I'm bacon!Me: Did you hear about that actress who got stabbed?
You: Who? | Me: Reese... Reese something.
You: Witherspoon?
Me: No, with her knife.Person 1: My dog has got no nose
Person 2: How does he smell?
Person 1: Awful.
Person 1: Want to hear a dirty joke?
Person 2: Sure!
Person 1: I fell in the mud. | UNCLE KELLY'S
BEDTIME NURSERY RHYMES
. | Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. | All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again. | 
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| A Message From The Craft Lady... "A photo album just shows you the photos but a scrapbook tells the story" |
| PHUN AT THE BEACH | If your kids think volleyball is the only game worth playing on sand, give them a challenge: How many playground classics can they adapt to the beach? They can draw game boards in the sand and use beach finds for playing pieces. Here are a few ideas for starters: TIC TAC TOE: Make a nine-square grid in the sand and draw the X’s and O’s with driftwood. If you have enough people, make teams and ask human markers to sit in the squares. HOPSCOTCH: To give this a seaside flavor, each player can scavenge a beach-related marker to toss a clamshell, a plastic shovel, or a colorful flip-flop. DARTS: Draw a dartboard six concentric circles and give each ring a point value. Each player should choose three markers that look the same (three clamshells, three pieces of green sea glass, and so on). Take turns tossing the markers at the dartboard and keep in the sand. | SAND BOWLING: Set up ten pins in the sand and bowl for a lucky strike
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When you build a bowling lane at the beach, your kids might get strikes and spares. What they definitely won’t get are gutter balls. Make 10 pins by filling a cup with moist sand (add water to the sand to hold a shape). | 
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Carefully turn the cup over and lift it off. Create the pins in a triangle with one pin in front, two pins in the next row, three in the next, and four in the back row.
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Draw a line in the sand about six or eight feet from the pins. Take turns standing behind the line and rolling a softball or other small ball toward over. Each player gets to roll the ball twice. Count how many pins you knock over, set them up again, and keep score in the sand. |
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...a Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, who is deaf, has screwed him out of ten million bucks. He got the job because it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything that he'd ever have to testify about in court. When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. Through his interpreter, he asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about." The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about. "That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeepers temple, cocks it, and says: "Ask him again!" The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him! "The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens !" The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?" The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the cahoonas to pull the trigger."
The Moral Of The Story... Never Trust A Lawyer |
 
Alrighty... the first thing you are probably thinking when you see a recipe that requires you to mix chocolate, ice cream and lemonade... you will probably shudder. However, we put it together and it was a big hit. I you download and print the recipe card from above, you'll notice the card has follow along pictures that should help the children figure out what they're supposed to do. The card has the ingredients on the front and the directions on the back.
RECIPE (this is the same recipe as on the cards, but in writing only... I thought some folks might like to preview it). | MCCARTY PUTT PUTT GOLF
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In a tall glass, mix chocolate syrup and milk. Add ONE Tbsp vanilla ice cream. STIR
