Well it’s August and that means those little McCarty Grandbrats will be sitting on their keesters reading that new “Harry Potter” book. Just thinking about those Literary Losers makes me hotter than the Goblet of Fire; whatever that is!!???

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I can’t believe those Book Worm Bozos are going to sit around reading a 700 page book about a kid. The only books I read over the summer were 30 page Comic Books and even then they had to be an Archie or a Superman. I wouldn’t even waste my time reading the ramblings of Iron Man or the Green Lantern. Sure it only took about 20 minutes to read a comic book, but we didn’t care, we were happy with what we had. Plus they had great ads for X-Ray Glasses and Sea Monkeys.

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And those Reading Rejects will be all mesmerized over that little British Boy, Harry Potter. When we were kids, the only British kid we cared about was Jimmy from HR Puff’n Stuff. He was a real actor and didn’t need no CGI and special effects to help him act. All Jimmy had was a flute and some guy dressed up in a felt Dragon suit, and he could make us happy for hours. Sure that H.R. Puff’n Stuff was a little light in the loafers, but we didn’t care, we were happy with what we had. Plus we got to see Witchie-Poo!!
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And those Wizardly Wascals think they know all about sorcery from reading those Harry Potter books. “Ohhh Harry can cast a spell and make a Patronus appear” Fiddle Foey!! When I was a kid, we had real magic and real magicians! We had Marshall Brodin who could take an ordinary deck of cards, tap it and turn the entire deck into the Ace of Spades. Those TV Magic Cards were better than any stupid spell that they have in that Harry Potter show. Sure, it was $19.99 plus shipping and handling, but we didn’t care, we were happy with what we had.

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So don’t let those Weakly Readers waste their summer with that big Harry Potter Book. Instead give them a deck of TV Magic Cards, a comic book, and some X-Ray Glasses. They won’t learn anything about Horcruxes or Hippogriffs, but they will learn a lot about Sea Monkeys!!

Have a great Summer!!