I just spent the weekend with one of those McCarty Grandbrats and I couldn’t believe my eyes. Those Saturday Morning Slouches don’t know anything about how to spend the morning. Just thinking of those Weekend Weenies burns me more than the time I tried to pull a piece of raisin bread out of the toaster.
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My son, Evan McCarty, watches this show called “Go Diego Go”. This is the stupidest show I ever saw in my life. It’s about some Bi-Lingual kid who teaches kids to help animals. When I was a kid nobody wanted to help animals. We watched Wiley Coyote try to kill a roadrunner and the only thing we learned was that you could order explosives in the mail. We had violent cartoons, but we didn’t care, we loved it!!

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And those Television Twits love to watch those live action shows like Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide and Phil of the Future. They ought to call it Phil of the Past, because all they do is take old Happy Days scripts and change the names. We had original television shows when we were growing up. We had Land of the Lost with Chaka the Monkey Boy being chased by Sleeztaks. Sure they were just guys wearing Creature of the Black Lagoon costumes but we didn’t care, we loved it!! Because Holly was hot!!
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And those Breakfast Buffoons eat cereal nowadays with extra fiber and nutrigrain. What does a kid need fiber for anyway. When I was a kid, we only ate cereal with sugar. We had Sugar Smacks, Sugar Frosted Flakes, and Super Sugar Crisp. We also had Quisp and Quake which was just Captain Crunch with more sugar. And then when you finished the cereal, you could cut a record off of the box and it would play music. And the song was Sugar, Sugar! We ate pounds of sugar, but we didn’t care we loved it. Because it made us jump higher!!

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So you let your little brats spend their Saturdays watching this stuff they watch. As for me, I’m creating a new show with Chakka the Monkey boy trying to blow up Diego. And it’s gonna be sponsored by my new breakfast serial called Super Sugar Beads with Chocolate. It’s just gonna be a pound of sugar with a broken candy bar in it. But if you put it in a bowl and pour some milk on it, it’ll keep you going all morning. Mucho Delicioso!

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