I've been down South long enough ... that these now apply to me ...
My boat has not left our driveway in 15 years. I burn my yard rather than mow it. I've used a toilet brush to scratch my back. The Salvation Army declined my furniture. The biggest city I've ever been to is Walmart. I have the Lebanon taxidermist on speed dial. I come back from the dump with more than I took. I keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table. Carla can climb a tree faster than the neighbors' cat. My girls have "ammo" on their Christmas list. I keep flea and tick soap in the shower. I've help negotiate a custody fight over a hunting dog. I go to the stock car races and don't need a program. I know how many bales of hay my car will hold. (3) I have a rag for a gas cap. My working TV sits on top of our non-working TV. I've used Carla's ironing board as a buffet table. I can spit without opening my mouth. My lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
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My house doesn't have curtains, but my new pickup does. We own a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side. I can entertain myself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter. I took my neighbors dog for a walk and both of us used the same tree. I offered to give someone the shirt off my back... and they don't want it. I wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean. I think "The Nutcracker" is something I do off the high dive. A tornado hit our neighborhood and did $100,000 worth of improvements. My idea of fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.