Last weekend I played the game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley for 117 consecutive hours. I'm sure that while I was playing the game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley, you were sitting around watching sports, tippin' a few cold ones, playing a little Texas Hold 'eM, or just taking a nap... Me? Last weekend, I was hoping to watch the Tigers, play some poker with my buds, drink a couple of brewskis, and take a nap all at the same time. Instead, I played the game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley for 483 consecutive hours. This friends, is my life.
I realize you're probably thinking that by the very name of the game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley, it's a game for a younger, more feminine audience. But you'd be wrong. 38-year-old men can play it, too. To me, there's nothing more satisfying than gathering pieces of plastic colored jewelry and hoping to become a glamorous princess in the game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley. The box says that Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley is A Realistic Jewelry Dress-up Game! I suppose I have to believe that it's realistic, since I've never played any other jewelry dress-up games. It did feel pretty realistic, though. The truth is, until I played the game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley, I was never able to fully realize my secret princess dream.
That's why I would like to thank the people at Milton Bradley for creating the game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley. Without their help, I would never have been able to bring my dreams to life and share so many special moments with my daughters. Well, 2,743 consecutive hours of special moments, to be exact. | 
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The thing is, you don't ever forget special moments like that. I'd also like to thank the Metro editor for buying the game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley for my daughter. Because of all the things a 7 year old can love, I'm happy to see that she loves the fine game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley so much that she wants to play it all the time. Did I mention that I played the game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley for 11,291 hours last weekend?
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| My daughters' girl friend loves the game too, but I would especially like to thank the people from Milton Bradley for creating a game that my friends' nine-year-old son has a great interest in as well. I'm sure that some less open-minded fathers may find their son having an interest in the game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley to be a bit disturbing. But not Jim. Granted, at first he was a bit concerned that his son played the game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley with a fervor and reckless passion that most boys his age would put toward more manly games like football and baseball. But when he saw the joy in his eye as he placed the sapphire blue bracelet on his wrist, I must tell you, Jim nearly shed a tear. I didn't, of course. It might have damaged my pink necklace. |
For a 38-year-old man like myself, playing the game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley taught me some valuable life lessons I had never fully appreciated. Lessons about integrity. About sportsmanship. And about how to properly accessorize an outfit. Because until I played the game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley last weekend, I never really worried about if earrings would go with my shirt. Or if a necklace works well with a ring. Thankfully, I can now make my way in the world knowing that I never again will be committing any fashion faux pas. - JEROME: Hey Steve O, how's it going?
- ME: Great.
- JEROME: Hey, nice bracelet.
- ME: Thanks. Well, talk to you later.
- JEROME (thinking to himself) Man, that Steve O's got it GOIN' ON !!
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| | In case you're wondering, the object of the game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley is to be the first player to capture and wear all the jewelry of your color -- the earrings, the necklace, the bracelet, the ring -- and, of course, the crown. You cannot, however, win the game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley if you possess the dreaded Black Ring. If you're wearing the Black ring, you must rid yourself of it to win. For if it's been said once, it's been said a thousand times: "Victory cannot be granted to the one who bears hold of the blackest of black rings." |
You should know that the line "Victory cannot be granted to the one who bears hold of the blackest of black rings" was not actually written on the box for the game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley. It was just something I made up that sounded like something someone would say if someone was talking to women who hope to become a princess. Or 38-year-old men who hoped to become a princess. While all pieces of jewelry in the game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley are equally important to win, I found that the crown carries a certain aura that a simple set of plastic cobalt blue earrings just can't compete with. 
| The crown…is money. The crown is a symbol of power and glory. The crown reminds other players that your skills are superior to theirs. I believe that nine year olds and seven year olds need to learn that most people are better than they are. And who better to teach them that lesson than their father? Are you aware that I had a lovely weekend playing game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley for 326,754 hours consecutively? In a row? Back to back? Y'know, it's funny, but before I played the game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley, I often wondered why Kristen, my wife, cared so much about jewelry. Always wanting more. Always trying to keep hers safe.... Mostly though, wanting more. Well, after an entire weekend of playing the game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley, I found that jewelry does make you feel prettier…more special…more desirous of wanting to be a Princess. And while I know that sounds remarkably gay of me, you have to understand that when you do something for 713,692 consecutive hours, your mind starts working in strange ways. |
Take for example, the next thing I'm about to say: Do I look like a pink to you? I mean, all weekend long, when we played the game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley, my daughter Megan and her friend wanted my jewelry color to be pink. Not green. Not blue. Not purple. Pink. This, friends, really ticked me off. What the hell were they thinking? For chrissakes. Look at my skin tones and the color of my hair and the hue of my eyes. It's obvious that I would've been more suited to the emerald green jewelry. Stupid moron kids. When we first started playing the game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley, I didn't really care about winning or losing. Then around the 834,756th hour or so of losing and clipping on pink earrings and looking at a pink necklace, well, my attitude kinda changed.
I WANTED TO BE THE PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS MORE THAN ANYTHING I'VE EVER WANTED IN MY LIFE!!! You're probably thinking: My, my, my... Weren't we taking the game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley just a bit too seriously? Unless you've played the game, friend, don't be so quick to judge. Sure, I went from wanting to spend some quality time with my daughter and her friend to wanting to beat them to a pulp. But they left me no choice. You didn't see the faces of those princess-wannabees when they won. You didn't see them laughing. Taunting me. Mocking me with their jewels. I tried all weekend to win the game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley. But I didn't. Things just never worked out for me. | Oh, Megan is so smug. I'd have one earring, but I couldn't get the other one. She would just smile. Or I couldn't get the bracelet. Or I'd finally have it all, and I couldn't get rid of that gosh darn Black Ring. She would sit in Jenna's tot-around and just laugh at me. It became pretty evident that the game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley was not my game. Still, I wanted to win. I really did. If nothing more than to drop those kids' egos down a notch or two. Thanks Milton Bradley, for inventing yet another way to make me feel like a loser. Thanks Metro editor, for allowing these children to see firsthand that I am an imbecile. And thanks to the kids for still being small enough to hit. And not big enough to hit back. Tell me friends, have you ever had the pleasure of playing the exciting board game Pretty Pretty Princess from Milton Bradley? | 
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I have. AND IT SUCKED!!! I've never felt so pathetic in my life. The game sucked. The weekend sucked. Losing sucked. The thing is, give me a good game and I know I could run circles around those kids. Like Mystery Date, or a little Texas Hold 'em. I'm telling you, if we were playing Mystery Date or poker, I swear, I would totally kick their butts. |
