DATELINE OWINGS MILLS, MD
Here are a few pictures from Maxwell Hamlin McCarty's baptism in Owings Mills, Maryland. Karen McCarty flew in for the baptism Sunday. (And boy, were her arms tired. ba-da-boom). Andy, Ann, Sam and Max are doing well. A good time was had by all. In a side note, Grandpa Mike McCarty promises that we will be hearing his banjo again this summer. He is still rehabbing the arms and making progress. Mike's therapy consists of stretching, exercising and rubbing possum innards on my arms under a full moon. 
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- DATELINE TWIN LAKES GOLF CLUB
Steve McCarty announces that the 11th annual Dan McCarty Golf Classic to benefit the Lupus Alliance of Michigan will be held at Twin Lakes Golf Club on Saturday, June 10, 2006. An 8:00 AM Shot Gun start is schedules for this scramble. The entry fees include 18 holes of Golf, Cart, and Driving Range warm-up, with a 1:00 PM Lunch - The Old Fashioned Cook Out: Choice of three of the following: Hamburgers, Hot Dogs, Chicken Breast, or Italian Sausage. Mixed Garden Salad, Potato Salad and Cole Slaw, Homemade Cookies & Brownies, Coffee, Tea & Soft Drinks. SEE THE DMGC PAGE FOR MORE DETAILS.
. - DATELINE PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO
Here are a couple pictures of Larry and Carla's trip to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. They spent 5-days and toured the area, went snorkeling, sampled tequila and learned how it is made, went whale watching, and more ... plus Carla went para-sailing. They had a great time.
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- DATELINE OAKLAND TOWNSHIP, MICHIGAN
Well, the boys were at it once again with a friendly Texas Hold 'em party. Todd, Steve H., Jim, Matt, Jerome, Kelly, Steve-O, and Walt were the participants (we even dealt Kristen in on a hand). This time, Steve-O was the host with Coneys, Chips, Beer, and So Co. The cards as well as the barbs were flying.
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| Quote From Kristen: 3 packages Koegel hot dogs - $2
2 jars of Bush's no bean chili - $2 Being begged to play poker with dah boys
and taking all their $$ -- priceless |
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In a side note to the evenings festivities, Jerome got a little careless with his Coney, and put a stain on Steve-O's brand new carpet. With about $200 of cleaning supplies, and a lot of elbow grease, Jerome made the carpet look "Good As New". Also, in a Metro exclusive, we were able to intercept these e-mails between Jerome & Steve the morning after the game...
Jerome: How's the carpet look? Can you tell? Man, my arm hurt from scrubbing so much. I haven't been sore like that since I was single!!!!
Steve: Thanks Jer. It looks like somebody let a coney drip in three separate areas, then rubbed it in with a diaper, poured lime flavored tonic on it, then tried to suck it up with a carpet chemicals. Now I am left with a flat, wet, black mold infested patch of carpet in front of my new $7,500 bar. How does your wall look?| . | . |  |  |
DATELINE VALENCIA, CALIFORNIA
Jerry and Kathlene’s home was used in an upcoming TV commercial for Charter Digital Communications, a cable television company. The company took over the California McCartys’ house for two days and brought in lots of props, camera and lighting equipment. Jerry McCarty remarked, “I haven’t seen this much preparation since they quit making LC Productions." 
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.DATELINE, DETROIT, MICHIGAN
Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick gave homeboy Jerome Bettis a key to the city during Super Bowl week, reportedly only the fourth time that honor has been bestowed. The other three recipients? Well, let's see. There was actor James Earl Jones. Detroit neurosurgeon, Dr. Benjamin Carson, of Johns Hopkins University. And ... oh, yeah, somebody named Saddam Hussein, who got one back in 1980, before he seemed to fall out of favor with certain members of the U.S. government. And the U.S. Army for that matter. You can't make this stuff up, folks. And yes, I'm here all week. Tip your waitress and try the veal.
- DATELINE WASHINGTON DC
ATTENTION ALL METRO READERS!!! A massive federal government tax surplus this year will make a tax rebate possible to all middle class families early in 2006. Average refund will be between $1000 to $2000 for a married couple and $500 to $1000 for a single person. Click Here To listen to the official speech and instructions on how to apply for this refund.
. - DATELINE OAKLAND TOWNSHIP, MICHIGAN
The McCarty girls each celebrated birthdays this past month. On February 8, Jenna McCarty celebrated her first birthday with a party at the posh McCarty estate. On February 26 at Dave & Buster's, Megan celebrated her 7th birthday. A great time was had by all at both events.
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DATELINE AUGUSTA, MICHIGAN
The coveted green jacket will be up for grabs once again at Gull Lake XXI. It is only four months away the dates this year are May 10,11 and 12th. The prices have not changed from last year. The 3 days of golf two night lodging package is $212.46 including tax, plus the per person cart fee of $14.00 per 18 or a total of $70.00. Mike Wiacek has made the reservation for 16 players once again. He must give a one month notice to make any changes. Everyone seemed to enjoy the switch to more scramble golf which will continue again this year. Closest to the pin must make birdie will continue in scramble play. Long drive needs work......., too much whiskey is consumed to understand the rules. I think the putt off has to become a tradition. http://www.gulllakeview.com/
. | Date 5/10
5/10
5/11
5/11
5/12 | Time 8:24-8:51
2:33-3:00
8:33-9:00
2:51-3:18
7:48-8:15 | Course Bedford
North Stonehedge
South Stonehedge
West
East |  |  |  |
DATELINE BEECH, NORTH CAROLINA
Metro reader, Jon Woodson, practices his snowboarding skills for the 2010 winter Olympics at Ski Beech Mountain in Beech, NC. Jon stated that his first run was a little difficult, but after that he was able to retrace his run simply by following the yellow snow. | . | . |  |  . | | . | . |
DATELINE AMERICA
The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question, ''Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?'' I replied: I had a drug problem when I was young: I was drug to church on Sunday morning. I was drug to church for weddings and funerals. I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather. I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults. I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me. I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profane four-letter word. I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower beds and cockleburs out of dad's fields. I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood; and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed. Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today's children had this kind of drug problem, America would be a better place.
. DATELINE, BURBANK, CALIFORNIA
On Kelly McCarty’s recent trip to Los Angeles. Michael Madsen stopped Jerry and Kelly and insisted that he knew Jerry. Kelly agreed to take Madsen’s picture on the condition he quit calling Jerry Mr. Pink. Madsen is now in the Betty Ford clinic in the room next to Tom Sizemore. 
| CELEBRATING 25 YEARS AT THE GRAND RAPIDS PRESS
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DATELINE GRAND CANYON
A new Grand Canyon Sky Walk which was scheduled to open Jan. 1, 2006 Hualapai Indian Reservation, has been pushed back to the end of 2006. It will jut about 70 feet into the canyon, 4000 ft above the Colorado River and will accommodate 120 people comfortably. It is being built with more than a million pounds of steel beams, and includes dampeners that minimize the structure's vibration. The sky walk is designed to hold 72 million pounds, withstand an 8.0 magnitude earthquake 50 miles away, and withstand winds in excess of 100 mph. The walkway has a glass bottom and sides...four inches thick
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THIS MAY HELP YOU.......
DEPENDS WILL BE AVAILABLE AT CONCESSION STAND!!
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DATELINE JERUSALEM, ISRAEL
A man, his wife, and mother-in-law went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and
you would spend only $150." The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead; I just can't take that chance".
. GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN THIS PAST MONTH
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- HEALTH & NUTRITION SECTION
The latest craze is the Italian Pasta Diet. You can actually lose weight in 4 easy steps.
1) You walka pasta da bakery.
2) You walka pasta da candy store.
3) You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.
4) You walka pasta da table and fridge.
|  | For those of our Metro readers who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all the conflicting medical studies:
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausage and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you
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We at the McCarty Metro, from time-to-time, like to bring you current news from other publications that might be of interest to our Metro readers. Do you have an article you would like to share? Scan it and attach it in an e-mail, or just send me the url. |
