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.| Well it’s Summer and that means those little McCarty Grandbrats will be going to lots of amusement parks to waste their parents money. Just thinking of those roller coaster rejects makes me hotter than the metal seats on the Tilt A Whirl. These kids today think their rides are so cool, well I got news for you; the rides at Edgewater Park were way better than anything they got nowadays. |
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These kids today will wait in line at Cedar Point for hours to get on some new fangled roller coaster. They strap those Cedar Point sissies in with harnesses and restraint bars and then bolt the roller coaster to the track. At Edgewater Park, we rode the “Wild Mouse” which whipped around corners so fast that the wheels would actually come off the track. And the only safety restraint on that ride was an old frayed piece of clothesline with a bunch of knots in it. One time, my Dad and Aunt Joan were trapped on the “Wild Mouse” for 2 hours to until they were rescued. Sure they were only 4 feet off the ground but we didn’t care, we loved it!! | 
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And you can bet those fearless freeloaders will want to go on all the scary rides. They’ll be going on Demon Drop, Son of the Beast, Goliath, Magnum, and Millennium Force. To me all those rides should be called “Crap!” The scariest ride that we had was “The Himalayan” at Edgewater Park. That ride was a squeaky, rusty mess that smelled like vomit. Also, the operator of the ride had bad skin, bad teeth, a missing finger and one cloudy eye. I was ready to throw up before the ride even started. Sure it was a smelly, unsafe ride run by ugly dope smoker, but we didn’t care, we loved it!! Cause they played Rock n’ Roll music when you rode the ride!! |
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And those Water Park Weenies like to put on their bathing suits and go to a Special Water Park. Sliding down a waterslide in your swimming trunks isn’t scary. When we were growing up we didn’t need no Water Parks, and the only water at Edgewater park were from the leaky toilets in the bathroom. The floors were always wet with a mixture of water and urine and nobody ever wanted to go in there. |
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So you spend your summer with those Theme Park Pansies standing in line and going on the sissy rides. As for me, I’m going to 7 Mile and Grand River where Edgewater Park used to be. And then I’m going to look for some rusty metal ride and put my kids in it and show them what scary really is. I just hope that guy with the cloudy eye isn’t there. |
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