| Dr. Fenner MD, retired in the 1970's after an investigation of anesthesia methods. Fenner swore by the Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard method. Dr. Coots DDS, retired after his method of tooth extraction, which entailed a handkercheif and a distraction (and the fact that he only got the correct tooth 60% of the time), came under scrutiny with the modern patient. Both doctors are now in their 90's, and they have agreed (as part of a plea bargain) to come aboard the McCarty Metro and answer reader questions with their old-fashioned, no nonsense approach. Feel free to send your questions because... The Doctor is In 
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Dear Dr. Fenner:
I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Dear Dr. Fenner:
Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and veggies?
You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Dear Dr. Fenner:
Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
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No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer's also made out of grain. Bottoms up! | | Dear Dr. Coots:
My breath smells like crap. Can you help.
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Absolutely! I have 2 sure fire suggestions. Suggestion number 1... you can stop biting your finger nails. Suggestion number 2... stop picking at your hemorrhoids. Good luck with the stink breath.
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Dear Dr. Coots:
What is the most unusual thing that happened in the office with the McCartys?
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The McCartys were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. McCarty made it clear he was in a big hurry. "No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with." "I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," I said admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?" Bob turned to Jean "Show the doctor your tooth, honey."
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Dear Dr. Coots:
You worked with kids a lot. How do you keep them from getting scared?
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I usually tell them a few jokes like...
Q: What time was the Vampire's appointment?
A: Tooth-Hurty (2:30)
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Q: What does the dentist of the year get?
A.: A little plaque.
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Q: What's the difference between a dentist and a New York Yankee fan?
A: One yanks for the roots and the other roots for the Yanks. |
