Well it’s summertime, and that means those McCarty Grandbrats will be sitting on their keesters in their air conditioned homes watching their big screen TVs and playing video games. Those summer slackers wouldn’t even think of going outside because it’s too hot for them. Just thinking of those baby buffoons makes me hotter than the cement on my front porch in July.
.| Those kooky kiddies will be playing Doom 3 on their PlayStation 2 with Dolby 4.1 Sound. That makes me wanna go Number 2. When we were kids we played outside on a hot day and had loads of fun. All we needed was a magnifying glass and a bunch of ants and we were happy for hours. Or, we would get a roll of caps and hit them with a hammer and make a huge explosion. Sure, we’d miss once in a while and hit our thumbs. We had black thumbnails and smelled like gunpowder, but we didn’t care, we loved it. | 
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And those kids nowadays don’t even know how to cool off. There idea of having fun is getting in an air-conditioned car and driving 20 miles to a water park. When I was a kid, we would just put on our swimming trunks and run through the sprinklers on the front lawn. Then there were times when we got a Slip ‘N Slide or a Water Weenie and we had the time of our lives. Sure we usually twisted our ankle and wrecked our grass, but we loved it. Cause we were happy with what we had. 
| And those little baseball babies will be sitting in the air conditioning watching the Detroit Tigers on their big screen television. When I was a kid, we sat on the porch outside with my dad and listened to the Tiger ball games on a crappy transistor radio. We had no instant replay, no fancy graphics and no surround sound. All we had was a 2 inch speaker and it was good enough for us. Sure, Ernie Harwell sounded like the guy at the drive-thru at McDonald’s but we didn’t care, we loved it. |
So it’s gonna be no air-conditioned house for my kids this summer. I’m putting them in their swimming trunks and giving them a hammer and a transistor radio and making play outside all day long. And as for me, I think I’m gonna stay inside. After all, they got hammers out there! |
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