The McCarty Metro - Jerry's World

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Jerry's World

Well, its back-to-school time and that means those little McCarty grandbrats will be heading to the shopping mall to spend their parents’ money. They’ll be visiting all kinds of stores and getting the very best of everything. Just thinking of those little selfish shoppers makes my blood pressure rise faster than the glass elevator in the middle of the mall. When I was a kid, we didn’t need to go to 40 different stores. If they didn’t have it at K-Mart, we didn’t need it.

Those fashion freeloaders will spend all of their parents’ money on trendy clothes, because they wouldn’t be caught dead wearing what they wore 3 months ago. They’ll be shopping at Abercrombie and Fitch and buying wrinkled shirts and pants that don’t fit. When we were kids, we got our clothes at K-Mart and those polyester pants wouldn’t wrinkle even if you rolled them up in a ball. And you didn’t have to worry about those pants not fitting because they had the elastic sansabelt waistband and if they still didn’t fit you’d just buy a big white belt for $2.99. We wore cheap pants with cheap belts but we didn’t care, we loved it.

And those little shoe slackers will be shopping for the most expensive athletic shoes. They’ll be looking at Vans, Sketchers, Nike, Converse, Reebok, Avia, New Balance, and Addidas. At K-Mart we got our gym shoes from the sale bin. They were crappy plastic soled shoes with no traction and we didn’t have to worry about some stupid shoe box, because they didn’t come with them. The shoes were held together with a plastic string and if the Blue Light was on you could get them for even cheaper. We wore K-Mart shoes to gym class, but we didn’t care, we were happy with what we had.

And after those lazy mall morons are done shopping they will head over to the food court where they can get food from every nationality known to man. “Oh, I will get a small Greek salad, some spicy Chinese chicken, and an Orange Julius.” Fiddle Fooey!!! When we were at K-Mart you just went to the K-Mart delicatessen and got a Ham and Cheese Sandwich. Sure the bun tasted like cardboard, but we didn’t care, we loved it. And if you wanted something to drink you got a Frozen Coke and if you wanted dessert, they had cold, stale popcorn. We didn’t need no crappy foreign food to make us happy, we had crappy American food.

So you let your little back-to-school buffoons spend all their time and your money at the mall. And they can have the time of their life walking around with their friends doing absolutely nothing. As for me, I’ll be over at the K-Mart with my Polyester Pants and a brain freeze.