Well it’s Thanksgiving, and that means those little McCarty grandbrats will be sitting in front of the Television eating Cheetos and watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade until someone invites them to the dinner table to stuff their faces. Just thinking about those cheesy couch potatoes makes me hotter than the aluminum foil my Mom used to put over the Turkey in the oven. Those kids have boring Thanksgivings compared to the fun we used to have.
. | | Those sofa slackers will be sitting on their kiesters watching the parade on television. When we were kids we actually went to the J.L. Hudson’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. My dad was a policeman so he would bring us down to the parade and let us watch it while he worked security. While we sat on the curb, he would be getting triple-time pay while smoking cigarettes and telling jokes with his police buddies. Sure we were left all alone amongst scary child molesters, sleazy prostitutes, and urinating homeless people, but we didn’t care we loved it. Cause we got to see Santa!! And nowadays, the only fun that those lazy loafers get on Thanksgiving Day is playing video games with their X-Boxes on the television. When we were kids, the fun didn’t stop. After we got home from the parade in the morning, we would go outside and throw chestnuts at squirrels running on the telephone line. Then we’d jump in some wet leaves and after that, my Uncle Jack would always come over and take us bowling. Sure we smelled like wet leaves and Dennis would hit his ankle with the ball and then Mike would get his hand stuck in the ball return, but we didn’t care, we loved it! Cause Larry would always make stare juice. | 
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And Nowadays these Epicurian Idiots have to have some special Martha Stewart dinner with all kinds of stuff that I never heard of. “Ohhhhhh, the Turkey has an orange marmalade glaze and the stuffing has gooseberries, cumin and jimcama,” Fiddle Foooey!! The only glaze that was on our turkey was a can of Vernors and once in a while my dad would pour some beer over it. And our stuffing was made of stale bread and whatever was in that gizzard bag that they put inside the Turkey. We ate turkey covered with beer and ginger ale, but we didn’t care, we were happy with what we had!!So you have your fancy schmancy Martha Stewart Thanksgiving. As for me I’m spending my Thanksgiving the old fashioned way. I’m going down to LA’s Skid Row and find some musty smelling homeless guy and then we’re going to go pee in the alley and throw some chestnuts at squirrels. HAPPY THANKSGIVING! |
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