This month’s match: What if church handbell-choir members Margaret McCarty of suburban Detroit and Karen McCarty of West Michigan went head-to-head in a ring-off, no bell-holds barred? Who would win? The McCarty Metro computers analyzed just such a mythical match and came up with a clang-by-clang account – and one winner. Here we go: Introducing the opponents …
Karen McCarty
Nickname: “Bell Pepper”
Town: Grand Rapids
Church: Immanuel Lutheran
Ringing experience: 5 years
Mostly plays: F, G, A
Signature move: Multiple marts
Favorite bell song: “Canticle of Praise”
Who she says will win:
“We will make harmony together.” | 
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| Margaret McCarty
Nickname: “Ringo”
Town: Clinton Twp.
Church: St. Ronald’s Catholic
Ringing experience: 6.5 years
Mostly plays: 5 or 6 octaves
Signature move: Triple toll
Favorite bell song: “Carol of the Bells”
Who she says will win:
“Probably Karen. I don’t know.” | 
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Let’s go to our announcer:
Ding, ding. “All right, ladies, put on your white gloves and step to the deck o’ bells here in the church balcony. Margaret has won the coin toss and elected to let Karen perform her routine first. Margaret will go second. You will be judged on your technique, degree of difficulty and, of course, the sound. A panel of judges will assist our computer analysis.
“Shake hands and come out ringing!”
ANNOUNCER HIGHLIGHTS
DURING KAREN’S ROUTINE:
“ … Here it comes, Karen is going into the most difficult part of her routine on “Canticle of Praise.” She comes out of a fine tower swing with a dandy double mart – no, an impressive triple mart! – followed by a double thumb damp. Oooh, too bad, I think one of those TDs was a little too damp. I don’t believe that was in her program. …
“Wait, here comes a two-bell tower swing, both arms stretched out like a power walker. It’s a double-pump followed by a quarter-utility tower swing, a sensational quadruple pluck and – what’s this – an overhead West Michigan Windmill swing! She nails it! We haven’t seen that maneuver since I don’t know when.
“… Karen seemed to stumble coming out of a triple mart to end her routine, but the crowd looks pleased with ‘Bell Pepper’s’ popular performance. The judges are conferring about something, though. …”
DURING MARGARET’S ROUTINE:
“… Oh my, Margaret OPENS with a triple mart – and she sticks it! This is in-your-face bell ringing, right from the first clap! She goes into her signature triple toll … no, wait, it was only a double. The judges look puzzled. But they’re smiling again as Margaret goes into a quick double mart, a 1-2 toll with thumb damps and … here comes the plucking!
Oh, this is a crowd favorite. People have come to expect Ringo’s plucks during ‘Carol of the Bells.’
“… Here’s the run-up to Margaret’s big finish. Oh, no, she grazed a wall on that half-toll swing and nearly fell! But she recovers nicely, goes into a roundhouse toll (that’s a fancy tower swing for you folks outside of West Michigan), followed by a half-toll, a quarter-toll and – HERE IT IS! – the crowd goes wild as Margaret goes into full toll swings, double-timing the music. She’s putting bells down and picking up higher octave bells on the half swing faster than you can say ‘What hymn are we on?’ … A fine routine concludes, and the judges are huddling.”
THE DELIBERATION AND THE VERDICT:
“This will not be an easy decision. Fortunately, a computer has analyzed the ring-off, and the results are being brought to our four-judge advisory panel in a sealed envelope.
“The envelope is opened and the winner is … um, something’s wrong, the judges are huddling again. They’ve finished and here’s the chairman:
“The winner is Margaret McCarty. Karen McCarty was disqualified because she used a West Michigan Windmill in her routine. Section 14.02a of the handbell code clearly states: ‘Regional bell maneuvers are strictly prohibited in inter-state competitions and intra-state events involving ringers from more than one region; i.e. West Michigan and Detroit.
“Thank you for coming and drive home safely.”
THE HANDBELL JOKE-OFF:
“Did you hear about the handbell choir member who fell into a swimming pool? “She’s ringing wet.”
“What’s the name of that new handbell choir member who hit herself in the head with a tower swing?” “I don’t know, but her face rings a bell.”
“Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all month.” | 
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