No matter how cold you are, DO NOT attempt to build a fire in a kayak, because you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Before you criticize an eskimo, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them and they get mad, you're a mile away across the ice - and they've got no mukluks!
Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear - do not venture outside alone!
One hour shoveling snow equals two hours on the Buttmaster.
Medical tip: If you're out in the cold and have a bad toothache - just hit your thumb with a hammer. You'll forget all about the toothache.
When waiting at Ford Field for the 2006 Super Bowl, and there are tourists all around, that doesn't mean that you can shoot them!
Never spit into an Arctic wind - you could take your eye out!
If you haven't had any mail for weeks, just remember... there ARE some things that can keep the mailman from his appointed rounds.
Sometimes ice crystals in the atmosphere make things appear differently than they actually are. This is not an optical illusion - it just looks like one.
Due to isolated locations, the cost of living in Michigan can be very high. However, the cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
Snowblowers should not be used to make sno-cones or slurpies.
If you wake up breathing, congratulations - you didn't freeze to death! You get another chance - PLAY ON!
