| Mark your calendars; this day will go down in history. The inaugural Haverhill Poker Tournament kicked off this month at the palatial McCarty residence. As each contestant entered the arena donned with his best poker face, it became quite clear that the producers of the Surreal Life couldn’t have matched so many people who have absolutely nothing in common with one another except for the fact that they all moved into the Haverhill subdivision sometime between 1977 and 1980. There’s something about knowing somebody before facial hair that creates a bond stronger than Michael Jackson’s attraction to 10-year-old boys. It may have been over 20 years since they had all been in the same room with one another, but it didn’t take long for the jockeying for pecking order to begin. Walt kicked off the psychological battle by showing everybody a set of pictures of him slaughtering some poor herbivore then cutting out the heart and holding it up like a trophy with a very disturbing evil grin on his face. The moment wasn’t lost, as each member knew that it was merely a ploy to get into the collective conscience of the group. “If you win, you’ll be next “ rang in the back of all our heads!!!! | 
No one at the table wants to make eye contact
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S. McCarty quickly followed suit by attempting to explain the rules to the group, conveniently getting every one wrong. Matt Scholl quickly revealed himself as the only “Player” of the group by correcting Steve and thus tipping off the group to who was the real “shark”. From that point forward, each player exchanged both chips and insults. I’d love to detail the evening’s events further, but unfortunately everything gets a bit fuzzy after that due to the limitless choices of alcohol available. I’d like to thank the fellas for a great evening and for not shaving my eyebrows off while I was passed out. |
