.

ED NOTE: When I took over the Metro, the first person I signed was Jerry McCarty. I asked him to come up with and write a re-occurring article. In honor of his 12 years of dedication in writing this article, the Metro gave Jer the month off and will reprint the very first edition of "Jerry's World" which appeared in the inaugural issue in October 1992.

Enjoy!!!

I'm as hot as a kid in a plastic mask with no air holes over the way today’s kids treat Halloween. When I was a kid, we had real Halloweens. A treat was if you ate your bag of candy and didn’t get a razor blade through the roof of your mouth. Heck, it used to be like Russian Roulette as we would eat Lick-A-Made not knowing whether it was real Lick-A-Made, or a straw filled with Drano crystals.

Today’s kids have private parties and go to the mall for trick or treating. While back when I was a kid, we would run dodging bullets and child molesters through alleys to try to make it home. AND WE LOVED IT!!! Kids today are too soft.

Kids today wear sissy masks. “Oh, I wanna be a Ninja Turtle”. “I wanna be Bart Simpson!” We’d have spit on any kid wearing a costume like that. When I was a kid, if you weren’t a tramp, you were nothin’. I was a tramp for 13 years and I loved it. No mask, no store bought nylon outfit, just a pair of old blue jeans and cigarette ashes wiped all over my face. Now THAT was a costume.

Oh, these soft kids today wouldn’t have lasted until the streetlights came on when I was a kid. So, when some soft kid in a store-bought costume comes on your porch this year, turn the hose on ‘em and holler, “You kids are softies! You’re worse than softies! I hope you get a bunch of those orange and black peanut butter candies that nobody likes!”