The McCarty Metro -

Thanksgiving

Well its Thanksgiving and that means the Lions will be playing Football. I can picture all of those McCarty Grandbrats sitting in front the TV wearing their replica jerseys and eating their 7 layer dip. Just thinking of those football phonies stretches my patience more than the elastic waistband on John Madden’s boxer shorts.

Those Pigskin prima donnas have to have these fancy schmancy televisions. “Ooohh I want a 78” big screen television with surround sound, TiVo, and picture in picture.” Fiddle Fooey! When I was a kid we had a 19” TV and if the game was blacked out we had to go to get reception on the 14” black and white TV upstairs. My dad would play with the rabbit ear antennas to try to get reception on Channel 3 from Cleveland. He would attach aluminum foil and coat hangers until we could see the game. And when the picture came in, everyone had to freeze in that position, so my dad could watch the game. One time I watched the entire game while having one hand on the TV antenna and one hand on the windowsill. We used to watch the game through snowy static and listen to it on the radio, but we didn’t care, we loved it!!

And nowadays you have to listen to John Madden babbling about the game and using a telestrator to show you what is happening. When we were kids we had our own fat broadcaster Van Patrick. Van Patrick weighed twice as much as John Madden and you couldn’t even understand him because he would usually be eating something during the game. He didn’t need no super-imposed fake line to show the line of scrimmage, he’d just say “The ball is at the 47 yard line, awww let’s just call it the 50.” We had mumbling sports announcers and they didn’t need to draw lines on the screen to make us understand the game.

And those Gambling Grandbrats will be betting on the game worrying about over - under or how many points they are getting. When I was a kid, the only gambling my dad did was buying a $1 square from Bob Block for the game. That game paid $25 per quarter, which is less than these losers today spend on the 7 Layer Dip. My dad would be calculating how his numbers would win, which usually meant the Lions getting a touchdown and missing the extra point or getting two safeties. And if he got close, my Dad would start calling Bob Block on the phone to make sure he had the right numbers.

So this year don’t sit in front of your big screen TV and watch the game. Instead unplug your cable and try to get reception the old fashion way and listen to the game on the radio. And if you can’t figure out the score, just give Bob Block a call.

Go Lions!