The McCarty Metro

Still Under The Basement Steps



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Jerry's World
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Well it’s the season of Lent again, and that means those little McCarty Grandbrats will be trying to scam their way out of every holy day of obligation. All Lent means to those Sacrament Shirkers is 40 days until they get a chocolate rabbit. Just thinking about those Lenten Losers makes me feel more rotten than month-old Easter Eggs.

Those little Holy Day Hooligans don’t even get ashes on Ash Wednesday anymore. When I was a kid, my mom made sure we always got ashes and even though we tried to pull our head back from the priest, we still had to walk around with a big black mark on our forehead. One time Father Bertram grabbed my head and rubbed ashes all over me. I had to walk around school looking like Ted Danson at a Friar’s Club roast. 

And, do you think it would kill these kids to not eat meat on Fridays? First they say that they don’t have to because the rules are different for kids and before you know it, they are sitting in the Old Home Town Country Buffet wolfing down Swedish Meatballs on Good Friday. When I was a kid, we had a choice of two things on Fridays in Lent. You could have a tuna fish sandwich or an egg salad sandwich. And my mom would wrap them in wax paper with a “TF” or “ES” on the wrapper. We ate crappy sandwiches on Wonder Bread but we didn’t care, we loved it! Because it was better than Hamburger and Noodles. 

And these kids today don’t give up anything for Lent. They want to be positive. “Oooh, I’m going to do a random act of kindness every day for Lent.” Fiddle foooey. When I was kid, we had to suffer and deprive ourselves. We suffered just like Jesus did for a month by giving up Baby Ruths or Raisinettes. I remember one year, Larry McCarty was rolled up in a ball on his bed going through Lik-m-Aid withdrawal. He didn’t do any act of kindness, he suffered. But he was a better person for it!

So you go ahead and have your New Millennium Rules for Lent! I’m going to have an old fashioned Lent here at my house, rolled up in a ball, eating an egg salad sandwich and dreaming of an Easter basket full of Squirrels, Juje Fruits and Baby Ruths. 


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