Is Your Area Not Represented Above?
Click Here To Find The Best Gas Prices In Your Neighborhood
|Metro Quick Puzzles||Metro Trivia Challenge|
1. What does this mean?
2. What does this mean?
|3. At what point is the Pacific side of the Americas east of the Atlantic side? Answer|
4. Are 1997 nickels worth more than 1992 nickels? Answer
5. A man left home one day and made three left turns and met a man with a mask on. What was the first man's profession? Answer
6. I can only live when there is light, although I die if the light shines on me. What am I? Answer
7. Which three boys names are anagrams of one another? Answer
February Trivia Question
What state in the U.S. has the most hazardous waste landfills?
What is the most populated capital city in the world?
Congratulations to: Larry C.
|LETTERS TO THE EDITOR|
To The Editor. Awesome job on the December issue Kelly! I was touched. -Mike Sand.
ED NOTE: I swear, my hand musta slipped. Sorry Mike! I never meant to touch you. It won't happen again.
Ed, I just saw the busiest airport is Atlanta and second place goes to Chicago. Did the South just do it again? -Yee Haw
ED NOTE: Yep... Score one for the rebs... and the only delays you find is when the Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.
Dear Editor, Thanks for your informative article on bananas in your December issue. Although you didn't mention it in your article, surely you must also have known that bananas are good in the fight against Parkinson's disease? -Tom
ED NOTE: Yes Tom. Because bananas are rich in vitamin B6, researchers say it could be so... And please... don't call me Shirley!
|Kelly, What a way to start a morning, watching you dance in elf attire! Thanks for the great start to the day... Angela and Dennis|
ED NOTE: Only Metro subscribers got to see me dance... Might make you reconsider subscribing (or unsubscribing) to the Metro.
I cant believe no one figured out who last months celeb was. Great job! -Gwenda
ED NOTE: I assume everyone who would know the answer would take a second and submit it. However, you know what happens when you assume.
ass + u + me = assume
|SOUND OFF TO THE METRO!|
So Editor... I need your help. I get this voice mail last night from Steven Paul laying into me about me leaving a message on his cell whining about traffic. Then, he goes on this rant listing his entire meal at some BS FLA (four letter acronym) event including the appetizers, salad and of course his Spanish Coffee, followed by a wayyyyy too in-depth detailed account of what the morning after terd is going to look like. So hey STEVE-O, what makes you think I need hear about every time your bowels move? At least my weather report didn't make me lose my appetite for breakfast. What should be my next move??? -JK
ED NOTE: Aw. Kiss and make up already... Oh... by the photo, I see you've patched up your differences... Not that there's anything wrong with it!
Dear Editor, What is happening to the West Side of Detroit? I drove by the original offices of the Metro (on Sussex Avenue) over Christmas break. George Ford School is no longer there, just some fenced in grass. Our church, Our Lady Gate of Heaven, is now a community church with another name. And I understand Mackenzie High School is in danger of closing in 2008. Also, there are no gas stations at the corner of West Chicago and Greenfield; there used to be three. What gives? -Losing my Detroit roots in GR
ED NOTE: Not to worry... As long as the Atlas is still a family theatre, you can still have fun doing arts and crafts with the park director at Coyle park, and Rex is still hoarse and tied up on a leash, that neighborhood will still will be home to the McCarty Metro.
|Dear Editor, Those Michigan McCarty's are sure quick to brag about their trip to LA to see Leno, but I remember when I went to NY and reunited Letterman, Leno, Butch from the Little Rascals, and a hot blond. -Foe Towshop|
ED NOTE: Butch is dead for crying out loud. You deserve to be hit on the head with a brick for doing that to a corpse. And, by the way Foe... I see the one hand on your head, but the other that we don't see. From the reverse angle, it looks to me like you, Letterman, and the dead guy all have your hands on the hot blondes butt.... AWWW! I'M TELLING CARLA!!!!
Dear Editor. I need your advice. My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job six years ago, He hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot the bull with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do? -- Clueless.
ED NOTE: Dear Clueless: Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman. You don't need him anymore. You're a United States Senator from New York for crying out loud... Now act like one!
NEVER NOTICED THIS THE FIRST TIME...
President Bush's State Of The Union Address
|QUOTE o' DA MONTH|
“A snowflake is one of the most fragile creations, but look what they can do when they stick together”!
SUBMIT YOUR QUOTE
|Metro Caption Contest||Metro Secret Celebrity Contest|
|Come up with a unique caption for this picture.|
Last Month's Picture & Captions
OFF-SCREEN DIRECTOR: "Mr. Savage, Mr. McCarty, I don't care what you call yourself. Stick to the script. This is "Law and Order: Fraser." -GR Mac
Gracias Americana, for your hospitality. Time for me go back to Mexicano. -L. Wendt
"You can kiss your inheritance goodby!" -DaveWaaaaiiitttt. I'm Brad Savage! -Speed
Why can't we all just get along? -Lake
It wasn't me....It was the Warrior!!! -Jerry McCartyAw,Just one more smooch
I tells ya... I was framed, see.
Kelly McCarty gets escorted from FHS for wearing the world's ugliest tie.
|Name this famous (or maybe not-so-famous) person?|
Last Month's Secret Celebrity
|Record producer and rapper Kanye West|
Congratulations to: Karen Seeling
ONLY A McCARTY.....
I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dog Eddy and was in line to checkout. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog... Duh! I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting 'The Purina Diet' again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I had awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head. I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her. Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital. I said no........I'd been sitting in the street licking my ass when a car hit me. I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.
FEBRUARY McCARTY METRO STAFF
Mike Borelli, Gerry Bufalini, Brad McCarty, Jerry McCarty
Kathlene McCarty, Kelly McCarty, Kristen McCarty, Larry McCarty
Margaret McCarty, Mike McCarty, Steve McCarty, Gwenda Perez
Chuck Pottenger, Beverly Rzepka, Chris Rzepka, Denise Sidor
FEBRUARY JOKE o' THE MONTH
A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang. It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that the he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital. He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant.... Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition. The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you! "I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past 4 hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last!" "For the rest of her life she will require 'round the clock care. And you'll be her care giver!" The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed. The doctor snickered and said, "Just messin' with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?"
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
|OUR NEWEST METRO CORPORATE SPONSORS|
|A hearty welcome to our newest sponsors of the Metro. Balfurd Dry Cleaners, located on Route 2 in the Red Light District between the liquor store and Merry Massage. To Babies & Children at exit 7, on Highway 44, where you can always get 5 kids for the price of 2. And finally to the Pork Industry. Always remember... Pork. The One You Love!|
|THE ADVENTURES OF TABO & JABO||ANOTHER QUOTE|
|When former Michigan State Senator Art Miller said to Margaret the morning after the ice storm, "Doesn't it look beautiful!" Margaret carrying a crap-load of mail replied "Yeah... It's a freaking winter wonderland!"|
McCarty Metro Chat Room
Group Chat Every Sunday At 9 PM EDT
|MOVIE BOO BOO?|
In the movie Titanic, Jack (Leonardo DiCaprio) claims to have gone ice fishing on Lake Wissota, which wasn't created until five years after the Titanic sank.
LINK o' THE MONTH
This is unbelievable!!! You get all the oldies from every year 1950-1979. Each year has about 30-40 songs. Only the best of the top 100 from the golden years of popular music. Listen to all the hits.
|Don't be surprised if somewhere, some day, when you least expect it, someone comes up to you and says...|
You're On The McCarty Metro