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Is On Your Side! Protect your family Know if there are sexual predators living in and around your area
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| Metro Quick Puzzles | Metro Trivia Challenge | 1. What does this mean?
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Answer | 2. What does this mean?
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| | 3. A box has 9 ears of corn in it. A squirrel carries out 3 ears a day, and yet it takes him 9 days to carry the corn out. How is this explained? Answer 4. If the only sister of your mother's only brother has an only child, what would be your relationship to that child? Answer 5. You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Answer |
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| | August Trivia Question Roy Rogers was born on November 5, 1912, in Ohio. If the house he was born in were still standing today, what popular location would it be? |
July Results What artist or group has the most hit singles on England's record chart? "Elvis Presley" Congratulations to ahh... NO ONE! I stumped my readers. |
| Metro Sound Off Dear Editor, I noticed another female school teacher in Tennessee has been arrested for soliciting a student for sexual favors. I don't remember this happening at Parkman Elementary. What gives? Oh yea, do you happen to have the phone number for Mrs. Quinn... I think she wanted a little Irish loving if you know what I mean. - Larz ED NOTE: C'mon Larz... I know you are blocking out the episodes with music teacher, Mrs. Collins. I remember when she would test students by having them sing "Come With Me". When she sang it first, she would ALWAYS give you a little wink. | | Sound Off To Me! | 
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| | Dear Editor. I liked your article on "How to please a woman" last month. The problem is that my wife and I argue a lot, and I tend to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Any help would be appreciated. -Ted ED NOTE: The occasional argument can be healthy to a good relationship. With that being said though, there are some things that you should NEVER say to a woman during an argument, like "Whoa, time out. Football is on" or "Sorry. I was just picturing you naked." or the all-time classic "Wait a minute - I get it. What time of the month is it?". If you happen to slip up and say one of the aforementioned taboo lines, PLEASE... do not compound the situation any further by following it up with "Who are you kidding? We both know that thing ain't loaded." because... IT PROBABLY IS!!! To the Editor. Can't get enough of your website... look forward to it every month. I'm retired and have very little to do. I count myself as one of Mike McCarty's more rabid fans. We desire more on Banjo McCarty! That guy can pick! When will he be back on the road? He deserves his own page, don't you think?. Also, I can't call up your May 06 issue. I'm hooked on the game on the phamily phun page. I like the beeping sounds it makes. Can you fix it? -Mike Grant ED NOTE: Thank you for your dedication to the Metro. The archives have been temporarily suspended due to a complaint by someone who accessed this site. I am working on a solution so that the past 5 years of my hard work can once again be accessed by our readers who, like yourself, actually find the McCarty Metro enjoyable. As far as "Banjo" McCarty, give him your phone number. AT&T has informed me that he does live pickin' over the telephone. (helps to keep the birds from perching on their telephone wires)
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Somewhere in Pakistan... | Quote o' The Month | 
| Submitted by Margaret: No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry. 
Submit A Quote |
| Metro Caption Contest | Metro Secret Celebrity Contest | Come up with a unique caption for this picture.
.Last Month's Picture & Captions  Just to let you know how well we get along, I let my new Notre Dame roommate wear my leopard undies. -Dad
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Coming to after quarter beer night, Kelly has some explaining to do. -Speed
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That's my uncle Jerry, if you look closely you can see his mustache -Steve-O
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My name is Chris McCarty and I'm your new roommate here at Notre Dame. Smile, we're gonna be in the McCarty Metro. -Mac
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OK... So my new roommate is a freak. I treat him just like everyone else, even though he is 6'7" and played basketball at Fraser. -A Rambler
"His mom named him Eric because she couldn't spell AAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!" - Jonathan Woodson I don't know what the fascination is about having your picture taken with Chris. -Speed The REAL reason Chris McCarty missed Gull Lake. His secret audition for the Blue Man Group is uncovered! -Raiff | Name this famous (or maybe not-so-famous) person?
.Last Month's Secret Celebrity  |  | | Katie Couric |
Congratulations to Steve O, Kathlene, Jerry and Raiff. They got it correct. | August Joke 'o The Month A lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Dakota. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I'm one of the best trial attorneys in California and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in North Dakota. We settle small disagreements like this with the North Dakota Three Kick Rule." The lawyer asked, "What's that?" The farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The barrister was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end Sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old coot. Now it's my turn!" [I love this part.....] The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck." |
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Goofus & Gallant
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| | Goofus curses and blames everything bad that happens in his life on George W. Bush |
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| | Gallant accepts that everything bad that happens in the entire world is Bush's fault, and he prays there will be no Kennedys on the road while his family is traveling by car. |
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Every Sunday at 9PM! It's Truly A Hair Raising Experience |
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| To The August 2006
McCarty Metro Staff | Bob Balch, Gerry Bufalini, Jerry McCarty, Kelly McCarty, Kristen McCarty, Larry McCarty, Margaret McCarty, Mike McCarty, Steve McCarty, Gwenda Perez, Millard Pickney, Chris Rzepka, Denise Sidor, Larry Wendt |
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| Did You Know.... ...that the original story from "Tales of 1001 Arabian Nights" begins, "Aladdin was a little Chinese boy."? |
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I'M WATCHING
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Now just be a good little Aussie and fill in your name and e-mail address below, and I won't be forced to peck your eyes out. ...AND I WILL!!! | 
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