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Jerry's World
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I spent last Saturday watching cartoons and eating cereal with my son, Evan. After one hour of eating breakfast and watching TV, I was more shocked than the time I tried to get an English Muffin out of the toaster with a fork. We had lots more fun on Saturday Mornings back when I was a kid.

These kids nowadays watch Sponge Bob Square Pants. Who wants to watch two sissy sea creatures working in a fast food restaurant? Squiddly Diddly could kick Sponge Bob and Patrick’s butt with 7 arms tied behind his back. When we were growing up, we had way better cartoons than they do now; and they were educational. We learned how to catch a roadrunner with dynamite and birdseed and how to drop a rock on a coyote. We watched cartoon animals trying to kill each other, and we loved it.

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And nowadays, between the cartoon programming they have some public service announcement with some basketball player who didn’t go to college and makes $20 million a year telling my kid to stay in school and read books. If my kid could read, he wouldn’t be spending his mornings watching Jimmy Neutron invent a Burp Gun. When we were kids we watched School House Rock between the cartoons. I learned how a Bill becomes a Law and the preamble to the United States Constitution between Scooby Doo and Dick Dastardly. Sure, to recite in school I had to sing the song, but I didn’t care, I was happy to know it.
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And if you think the TV today is bad, the cereal nowadays is even worse. Now they have Cinnamon Life. They might as well put the Cinnamon flavoring on the cardboard. It would taste the same. When I was a kid we had good tasting cereal like Trix, Lucky Charms, and Sugar Smacks. Those Sugar Smacks had so much sugar in ‘em that they would stick together and would come out of the cereal box in one big clump. And my brother Larry would put about six more tablespoons of sugar in his bowl, so that when he finished his cereal, he would have a ¾ inch sugar sediment on the bottom of the bowl. My brother Larry liked sugar more than Greg Brady liked bell-bottom pants. We were wired on sugary cereal, but we didn’t care, we loved it!!

So don’t expect me to sit around with Evan and watch cartoons anymore. Instead, I’ll be writing to Acme to get dynamite and birdseed and I’m going to look for that Road Runner to even the score. And I’m going to make a trap where when the roadrunner stops to get some birdseed…..Oh sorry, it’s just the Sugar Smacks talking.

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