Mother's Day Well, Mother’s Day is coming up and that means those little McCarty Grandbrats will be buying crappy presents for their Moms. My Mom was better than any of these Moms nowadays, but my Mom was tough on us and we’re better for it. These Moronic Mama’s Boys don’t know how good they have it. They wouldn’t have lasted 5 minutes with my Mom.
. | Nowadays those pampered prissies think they have it so hard. “Ohhhhhh, my Mom gave me a time-out for 10 minutes.” Fiddlefoey!! Those delinquents wouldn’t know discipline if it walked up and did the Soupy Shuffle in front of them! When we were kids, my Mom would make us sit on our chair for hours and if you were still bad, she would get on the phone and call the “Bad Boys Home” and tell them she had a pickup for them. She was just calling the Weather Recording, but we didn’t know any better and would be pleading for forgiveness. My Mom could have taught the Viet Cong a thing or two about playing mind games. Sure we were scarred for life, but we loved it!!! Cause we turned out better for it and we also learned how to torment our own kids. | 
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 | And these school-aged scatterbrains are so lucky to have Moms that buy them computers so they can get on the Internet and download their book reports. Nowadays, they just copy and paste from the Internet. When I was a kid, our Mom helped us the old-fashioned way. We would hold the Encyclopedia while my Mom typed on a typewriter. Sometimes my arms would get so tired I could barely hold the book and my neck would get stiff from stretching it to watch the hockey game in the next room while my Mom was writing my report. Sure we didn’t learn anything, but it taught us how to get through college without reading books. And these Moms today take their kids to Gymboree or Mommy and Me classes. When we were kids, my Mom gave us exercise by letting us stand on the vacuum cleaner while she pushed it. And then we’d do calisthenics with a kitchen chair watching Jack LaLane with her. And if she wanted me to get some fresh air she’d take me on the DSR Bus down to Federal’s Department Store. Sure I’d be sitting next to some derelict reeking of Top Hat Hamburgers and Jack Daniels but I didn’t care, I was happy to get out of the house.
So you little Grandbrats, take your Moms out to the Home Town Country Buffet for Mother’s Day. As for me, I’m going to fly back home and take my Mom on the bus to downtown Detroit and then for old-time sake we are going to go back home, drink some Jack Daniels, ride on the vacuum, and then call kids at random and tell ’em we are from “The Bad Boys Home.” |
Happy Mother’s Day
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