Face it, we are all concerned about aging. Here is the lighter side of aging.  
| George Carlin's Views on Aging
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!"
You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five!
That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
“How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16!
And then the greatest day of your life . . . you become 21.
Even the words sound like a ceremony . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 . . . and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.
And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!! |
| . | . | Blind Date
An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man. When she returned to her daughter's house later that night, she seemed upset.
"What happened, Mom?" the daughter asked.
"I had to slap his face three times!"
"You mean he got fresh?" the concerned daughter asked.
"No," she answered. "I thought he was dead!" |
| The Perks of Being Old...
-Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
-In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
-No one expects you to run anywhere.
-People call at 9 p.m. and ask, 'Did I wake you?'
-There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
-Things you buy now won't wear out.
-You can eat dinner at 4 p.m.
-You get into heated arguments with others about pension plans.
-You sing along with elevator music.
-Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
-You can't remember who sent you this list. |
|
| . | . |  | OLD IS WHEN... ...your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. ...your wife says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and your answer is, 'Pick one, I can't do both.' ...a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door. ...you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. ...you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police. ... 'Getting a little action' means there's no need to take any fiber today.' ...'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot. | | . | . |
What a difference 30 Years Makes.... | 1975
. | 2005
. | | Long hair KEG Acid rock Moving to California because it's cool Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor Seeds and stems Hoping for a BMW The Grateful Dead Going to a new, hip joint Rolling Stones Being called into the principal's office Screw the system Disco Parents begging you to get your hair cut Passing the drivers' test Whatever | Longing for hair EKG Acid reflux Moving to California because it's warm Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor Roughage Hoping for a BM Dr. Kevorkian Receiving a new hip joint Gall Stones Calling the principal's office Upgrade the system Costco Children begging you to get their heads shaved Passing the vision test Depends |
|
|
