Well it’s Christmas Time again and that means those little McCarty Grandbrats will be decorating their houses with all kinds of expensive decorations. Oh they’ll have Animatronic Santas, Inflatable Santas, and Light Up Santas. Just thinking of those little decorating dorks makes me hotter than the light bulb on that revolving color disk shining on Grandma’s aluminum Christmas tree. We had way better decorations when I was growing up and we were better off for it.
You can bet those Holiday Ho Hums will have their artificial Christmas trees with the lights already pre-wired into the branches. Then they’ll cover them with their plastic Happy Meal ornaments. When I was a kid, we bought a real tree and strung non-UL approved lights all over that dried out thing. Those lights were so old we had Edison’s original light bulbs on it, covered with black electrical tape. And our ornaments were pure spun glass and would burst if you held them too tightly in your hand. There would be shards of glass all over the rug and if you didn’t cut your feet on pieces of glass you’d impale your big toe on a sharp metal ornament hook. Sure we had bloody feet and got electrocuted--but we didn’t care we were happy with what we had. |  
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And you can bet those Yule Yahoos will be decorating the outside of their house with lots of little blinking lights. They think if they make the outside of their house look like Las Vegas it will look good. Well, I got news for you, you little Noel Nincompoops... we didn’t have half the lights you have and our house looked 10 times better than yours. My Dad would buy 300 feet of ivy garland and would staple it up all over the outside of the house. Then my Mom would hang up some wreath made of IBM punch cards spray painted gold that one of our relatives gave us. Then she would point a spot light at it, and it was complete. Sure it looked like a house covered with weeds and computer supplies, but to us it looked like the North Pole.
. | And those little Commercial Kiddies don’t even know the real meaning of Christmas. We always had a Nativity Scene under the Christmas tree and we made sure the Holy Family was part of every Christmas. I remember one year I rescued the baby Jesus with a Vertibird Helicopter and whenever we lost some of the plastic football players in our vibrating electric football game, the Three Wise Men were able to fill in on the offensive line. Sure my Mom yelled at us when we ran the Hot Wheels track through the stable, but at least we never forgot the real meaning of Christmas.
So you continue to let your little Holiday Hooligans spend all kinds of money on these fancy schmancy electronic decorations. But not me, I’m sticking with my old decorations. So come by my house during the holidays and see my tree. We can sit around the tree and play Rock’Em Sock’Em Shepherds or Don’t Break the Ice Under Baby Jesus. Oh yeah, and don’t come in your bare feet. |
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